I Wanna Be Famouse!

"In the future, everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes."(Andy Warhol).

Ahhhh......the bane of modern life.....it used to be if you asked any well brought up kitten what they wanted it be when they were older, they would say, a Champion Mouser or  Ship's Cat but now, the 21st Century Celebrity obsessed kitty will say "I Wanna Be Famouse!"

Those Kin who sold out

While it is true that some cats sold out to the almighty God of Celebrity (Top Cat, Tom (of Tom & Jerry), Sylvester (of Sylvester and Tweety Pie), Bagpuss, Garfield, Felix, The Cat in the Hat, Puss-in-Boots) others have been more dignified.

The Famous Office Cats

Cats have always featured heavily in the public eye - Abraham Lincoln introduced "Tabby" as the first White House cat, while the 29th President, Calvin Coolidge used to carry "Tiger" (a grey stripped stray) around his neck and when "Tom Kitten" (John F. Kennedy's Cat) died in 1962, he was given an obituary notice by the press! Even Downing Street had Humphrey, who was ousted by The Blairs when they arrived (presumably Cherie "Cheshire Cat Grin" Blair did not like the fellow Cat competition!)

Then there are the brave and intrepid Cat-kin 

Mrs. Chippy (actually male!), a tiger-striped tabby, was taken on board the Endurance by Harry McNish (the ship's carpenter, whose skills saved them from certain ruin), as a ship's cat and could walk along the ship's inch-wide rails in even the roughest seas and took great delight in jumping over the kennels of the sled dogs. Shackleton ordered him shot with the dogs when the ship was destroyed. The faithful McNish never forgave Shackleton and showed subordination, which cost him the Polar Medal, awarded to most of the rest of the crew http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/3818613.stm 

McNish is a cat folk hero - and a bronze statue of Chippy was placed on McNish's grave to honour the special bond between them. 

Scarlett (USA) who rushed into the flames of a burning building again and again to save her kittens, even when her eyes blistered shut. She identified her kittens using her nose, counting the five to make sure that she’d saved them all before collapsing into unconsciousness. Scarlett lived for another 12 years in the loving home of her adoptive family and continued to make headlines for quite some time. She was featured in numerous articles and books, and on the TV program Animal Planet. The Scarlett Room, which showcases animals available for adoption, and an animal heroism award have been created in her name.

Macavity, a mystery cat in the UK that rides the Number 331 bus several times each week, arriving at the same time at his usual stop, and getting off near a local fish and chips shop. The white cat, which has one blue eye and one orange eye, is said by fellow commuters to be the ideal travel companion because he “sits quietly [and] minds his own business."

<sup>The Web Heroes Maru (aka "Box Cat) (Japan)
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/maru-the-cat
He seems to exhibit an exaggerated form of dumb cat behaviour - he is obsessed with boxes. Whenever Maru sees an open box, he must instinctively jump into it. He has his own Wikipedia page and Blog and “Entertainment Weekly" mentions Maru alongside Keyboard Cat and Nora the cat in its Notable Kitty Videos article. As of September 2009, Maru’s channel is the 9th most subscribed in Japan.”.

The Darker Side Cats
There are of course cats with a "touch of the night" about them - Brrrrrrrrr - Like Oscar the "death predicting Cat" (of Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center of Providence, Rhode Island, for those of you who wish to avoid!). He is not particularly sociable – until a patient is on the verge of death, when he then snuggles up beside the dying individual, maintaining his vigil until the patient passes away. If denied access to the patient, Oscar will scratch frantically at the door!!!! Ghoulishly Freaky!!!!)
The Victims
This week I was reminded that some young "Wanna Be's" will do anything to get their Fifteen Minutes of Fame.</sup>

<sup>Lola, the 4 year old Coventry Tabby, is now "milking" (excuse the pun!) her new found fame - true she was dumped in a bin for 15 hours, but how many times did her Mummy Cat tell her not to talk to strangers, let alone rub up against them, purr and draw attention to herself?! Hopefully the terrible fate that befell her will alert other Kitty-Kin that you cannot trust strangers, even if they tickle your tummy! Worse than that she sold her story to "The Sun" and was inundated with "Whiskas Goodies" for her troubles - I ask you - does she look contrite?
http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/3110434/Its-just-a-cat-I-put-Lola-in-bin-for-joke-whats-all-the-fuss-says-Mary.html

So I'm left thinking what about my Fifteen Minutes of Fame?</sup> 

^{I could get my human owners to "stage a Lola", but only if they also put in the bin my bedding, my kibble, my Catnip-chew toy-mouse, and some Cat Milk. Having said that, when I was "found" all my "stuff" would be a giveaway, so I am going to have to think of another route to fame. Having heard some of the "singers" on The X Factor, I am sure I could give singing a few bars of "Memory" (Grizella's Aria from "Cats") a go. I am sure that the Autotune they are all talking about will sort out my Cat-erwauling!}

...."Memory,
All alone in the moonlight....^{Meooooooouuuuwwwww!!!!!!"}

"If you're OCD and you know it wash your paws! If you're OCD and you know it wash your paws!...."

I overheard my owners talking about the fact that they think I have OCD. I thought they meant I had Obvious Catty Disdain for other lesser mortals - which would be true!

However, I MewGoogled "OCD", and it turns out that it is a kind of neurosis known as Obsessive Compulsive Disorder - repetitive behavior characterised by e.g. repetitive washing or behaviours always performed in the exact same order, and which if the sufferer is disturbed, often have to be performed again from the start, for fear of increased anxiety.

Cartoon by Jeff Swenson

How ridiculous! ........Excuse me for a moment while I wash my left paw, then my right paw, then my left ear then my right ear, then my tummy and finally my nether regions.....oh dear, I got distracted by a bird at the window......now where was I? Best start again.....I wash my left paw, then my right paw, then my left ear then my right ear, then my tummy and finally my nether regions.

Now, where was I? Oh yes, How Ridiculous! Owners (i.e. Pot), meet the black kettle!

My male owner has OCUT - Obsessive Compulsive Usage of Technology. Surrounded by three laptops in his home office, seemingly surgically attached to his iPhone, nigh drooling over his "PC Pro" magazine every month and recoiling when asked to use paper and or pen to do anything! He often says that if they would invent a "meal pill" that would give all the nutritional requirements without the need to eat, that would be progress! He better not pull any pill stunt with me, replacing my beloved catty kibble!

As for my female owner, she does have OCD - seemingly obsessed with my fur on any floor, furniture or other surface and perpetually armed with sellotape and dustpan and brush to remove the same. I must admit to the devilish enjoyment I get from sitting in front of her and feigning a frenetic scratching session - sends her into a fervour of flea spraying and sympathetic scratching of her own!

Anyway, I do not have OCD -  would know if I had OCD - to be on the safe side I will get my owners to ring the Vet to check...and then ring the Vet again at least nine times to check that they have not made a mistake! Now, where was I?...oh yes......I wash my left paw, then my right paw, then my left ear then my right ear, then my tummy and finally my nether regions.

Let's get this party started!

It is Official - my owners are categorically Z-list, since it appears that I was not invited to THE party of the Catty Season last week - The Algonquin Hotel Cat Fundraiser for Posh Cats http://www.bloomberg.com/news/2010-08-09/matilda-the-cat-hosts-fundraiser-at-algonquin-for-homeless-pals.html hosted by the current incumbent, Matilda. http://www.algonquinhotel.com/algonquin-cat

There were themed cocktails - Purrtinis (made of Grey Goose vodka, lychee juice, coconut, white crème de cacao and lemon juice), a Catty Runway for the annual cat fashion show, where “mewdels” from sashayed down the runway in elaborate outfits by "Meow Wear" http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/gallery/2010/aug/13/algonquin-hotel-cat-party#/?picture=365710688&index=0, while Cat therapists provided Feline Reiki. Heaven, darrrrrrling! 

I was bristling with snubbed feline fury....and then I saw the pictures of the event.....OH DEAR DEAR DEAR!
Clockwise from the left pic - Elvis (who was supposed to have died 33 years ago to the day) is alive and well - thank you very muuuuch! Pic #2 - Just call me Claw-o-patra, Queen of Egypt daaaaarrrrling!  
Pic #3 - Gay Dear?...Me Dear? How Veryyyy Dare You!  Now I'm off to find the Native American, the Cop, the Cowboy, The Construction Worker and the Soldier!

And finally...... this one (left) sent shivers up my spine as I had flashbacks to the Christmas that my male owner thought it would be cute to "dress" me in a "Red-Christmas-Sparkly-Bow" and bring me to work to parade me shamelessly to the office! {To those of you who said "How cute!" (yes, you know who you are!) I know where to find you, be afraid, be very afraid!}
I have not been so mortified since the Vet picked me up as a kitten, lifted my tail and exclaimed at the top of his voice "Yes, this one's a boy!"

So far my female owner has resisted any attempt to dress me up, but I am in need of a new collar and her penchant for pink and sparkles is worrying. She already has two bells on my collar in a feeble attempt to stop me capturing birds and small rodents (mmmmmm taste like chicken) , and when I move I sound like a small herd of Santa's reindeers!

So for now I maintain my self respect and dignity - she continues to think me (sometimes) condescending, stand-offish and demanding - true, and I have many other fine qualities as well!

While the owners are away, the cat will play!

I had the most wonderful weekend - my owners were both away - Meowtastic!

My male owner was engaged in some sort of motor racing activity where he watches motorcycles go around a track for three days - and he thinks I am simple when I become transfixed by the mechanical mouse toy he bought me that turns in circles!

My female owner was away for a day - came back "partied out" and worse for wear, looking peculiarly as I look after my yearly flu jab, and inexplicably turned ever so slightly green when she opened my yummy tin of Whiskas chunks!


My surrogate feeders came to dispense my morning repast on Sunday and I made a mental note not stray into the basement - the last time I did that the Surrogates did not realise and locked me down there - when they eventually located me I was not best pleased, and did not feel at all embarrassed by the steaming "present" I left for them to clean up!

Cats (as superior beings) rarely develop separation anxiety that so affect our lesser quadrupeds, Dogs. I took the opportunity to inspect all the kitchen counter tops, the waste bin (no tasty morsels there sadly), and I lay on all the comfortable chairs, and all the beds at various times of the day, as the sun moved around the building. I see such quality control as part of my remit, and cannot understand why my owners do not allow me to do this more often?

Thankfully they are both too busy to know about such "tools of Satan" prevention devices, such as the SSSCat™ - a woefully inadequate box that makes an audible warning sound and sprays a jet of harmless mist that is supposed to startle a cat to keep away from specific areas of the house. It says it "Works on other small animals like dogs, rabbits and ferrets" - such lesser beings may be frightened of such frippery but any self respecting cat would just knock it off the surface with one swift, disdainful movement of their paw!

I also took the opportunity to catch up with correspondence and to avail myself of new developments in Cat Entertainment on the Web but I had to frantically remove from my "history" the websites I found for "Pet Sitting Videos" (from, petsittervideos.com/) lest my owners get any ideas!

Admittedly, I can see the usefulness of the "Dog Sitter Video" that plays sights of flocks of geese, squirrels, mice, pigs and Monkeys on little saddles riding Border Collies and herding sheep together!! A dog's simple mind would be able to tolerate such patronising drivel.

BUT, the "Cat Sitter Video" (*Bast-help-me, in volumes 1,2, & 3!) plays the sights and sounds of birds, butterflies, squirrels, gerbils and fish and showing cats "having a ball to the famous Blue Danube" and something they call "digital catnip! And all of this can be put on continuous loop - I would euthanase myself if my owners ever subject me to such mind-numbing-claw-curling-piffle.
(*Bast is the Goddess of All Cats)
.
When my owners came home, I kept them happy by purring and rubbing up against their legs, but I have already checked their diaries and am preparing enjoyable activities for the next time they go away!

I should be so lucky!

I consider myself to be a lucky cat. No matter what adversities have come my way, I have always "landed on my paws". However, I have recently learned that my previous owners' luck changed for the better when I left them, and that caused me some moments of inward reflection and self doubt!
Cats have long been associated with luck. The cat was worshipped in Egypt and to kill one was considered a capital crime and bad luck! When an Egyptian family's cat died, the cat was mummified and the family went into mourning. Romans considered the cat sacred, but by the 17th Century the cat began to be associated with witchcraft and it's luck turned from good to bad - it was popular for a time was to burn cats and other animals on Shrove Tuesday in order to protect one's home from fire and other calamities!

Having a black cat cross your path, is considered good luck in Britain & Japan, whereas if you live in the USA or several European countries, it is bad luck! The "Maneki Neko" (left) or "beckoning cat" is considered very lucky in Japanese culture!
How fickle you humans are! I say just stick with your common Tabby Moggy like me and you cannot go wrong!

Are there any animals which are considered bad luck? Let me tell you the tale of Mr. Whoppit - the "lucky" Bear mascot of Donald Campbell (the land and water speed record holder) http://www.speedbear.co.uk/whoppitandcampbell.htm- he refused to drive unless Whoppit was with him and Whoppit was always the last to be handed on board before a record attempt. Whoppit was with Campbell during his first serious crash and also when Campbell was killed during a record attempt in 1967, whilst driving the jet hydroplane Bluebird K7; Campbell's body wasn't recovered until 2001, although Mr Whoppit floated free and was found almost immediately. In later years, Donald's daughter Gina Campbell also adopted Mr. Whoppit as a mascot for her own water record-breaking attempts. This led to Mr. Whoppit's third high-speed crash. She later offered him for auction, but he failed to reach the reserve, so she had to keep him. The decision to auction off Mr Whoppit was a cause of acrimony between Gina Campbell and Donald's widow Tonia Bern-Campbell, and Mr. Whoppit's last public attendance was Donald's funeral in 2001 in Gina's handbag!

By these accounts M'Lud it would appear Mr. Whoppit is unlucky. The prosecution rests its case.

Case for the defence; from archive photos it is clear that Mr. Whoppit was a hostage to fortune - he didn't want to be there and so bad luck was sure to follow:-

Help me! Exhibit 1

I'll jump if you don't let me go! Exhibit 2

I see dead people! Exhibit 3

Hellllllllllppppppp! No! No! I won't go - You crazed speed freak! Exhibit 4

The defence rests its case!  

"All of us have bad luck and good luck. The man who persists through the bad luck - who keeps right on going - is the man who is there when the good luck comes - and is ready to receive it." (Robert Collier).
Substitute "man" for "bear" and Mr. Whoppit (arguably the "World's Greatest Survivor") is lucky! (just not if your name is Campbell!). "Good" luck/"bad" luck? It all boils down to perception.

So to all you human freaks who believe in good luck superstitions - consider this:-
Dreaming of white cat "means" good luck (American superstition) - Uh, No! It means you ate cheese before bedtime!
If a cat washes behind its ears, it will rain (English superstition) - Uh, No! It means the cat has been out in the rain!
A strange black cat on your porch brings prosperity (Scottish superstition) - Uh, No! The catty word on the street has gone out that you're a soft touch for feeding stray cats, that's all!
To reverse the bad luck curse of a black cat crossing your path, first walk in a circle, then go backward across the spot where it happened and count to 13 - Please GET A LIFE!