My male owner was engaged in some sort of motor racing activity where he watches motorcycles go around a track for three days - and he thinks I am simple when I become transfixed by the mechanical mouse toy he bought me that turns in circles!
My female owner was away for a day - came back "partied out" and worse for wear, looking peculiarly as I look after my yearly flu jab, and inexplicably turned ever so slightly green when she opened my yummy tin of Whiskas chunks!
My surrogate feeders came to dispense my morning repast on Sunday and I made a mental note not stray into the basement - the last time I did that the Surrogates did not realise and locked me down there - when they eventually located me I was not best pleased, and did not feel at all embarrassed by the steaming "present" I left for them to clean up!
Cats (as superior beings) rarely develop separation anxiety that so affect our lesser quadrupeds, Dogs. I took the opportunity to inspect all the kitchen counter tops, the waste bin (no tasty morsels there sadly), and I lay on all the comfortable chairs, and all the beds at various times of the day, as the sun moved around the building. I see such quality control as part of my remit, and cannot understand why my owners do not allow me to do this more often?
Thankfully they are both too busy to know about such "tools of Satan" prevention devices, such as the SSSCat™ - a woefully inadequate box that makes an audible warning sound and sprays a jet of harmless mist that is supposed to startle a cat to keep away from specific areas of the house. It says it "Works on other small animals like dogs, rabbits and ferrets" - such lesser beings may be frightened of such frippery but any self respecting cat would just knock it off the surface with one swift, disdainful movement of their paw!
I also took the opportunity to catch up with correspondence and to avail myself of new developments in Cat Entertainment on the Web but I had to frantically remove from my "history" the websites I found for "Pet Sitting Videos" (from, petsittervideos.com/) lest my owners get any ideas!
Admittedly, I can see the usefulness of the "Dog Sitter Video" that plays sights of flocks of geese, squirrels, mice, pigs and Monkeys on little saddles riding Border Collies and herding sheep together!! A dog's simple mind would be able to tolerate such patronising drivel.
BUT, the "Cat Sitter Video" (*Bast-help-me, in volumes 1,2, & 3!) plays the sights and sounds of birds, butterflies, squirrels, gerbils and fish and showing cats "having a ball to the famous Blue Danube" and something they call "digital catnip! And all of this can be put on continuous loop - I would euthanase myself if my owners ever subject me to such mind-numbing-claw-curling-piffle.
(*Bast is the Goddess of All Cats)
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When my owners came home, I kept them happy by purring and rubbing up against their legs, but I have already checked their diaries and am preparing enjoyable activities for the next time they go away!
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