Jobs for the Cats

You will be familiar with the phrase "Jobs for the Boys"? As the Summer break ends and I see the world return to work, school or university, I have been reflecting that maybe I should contribute to the household purse by acquiring some useful employment?

It appears that my fellow kin are way ahead of me on this and have been joining the world of the workers for some time.

First, there is Iggy - the iPad Tester- having procured this much sought after post, he was assigned the role of testing whether there needed to be a "Paws App" - as a designated special needs group, Apple were rightly concerned that Catty-kin would find the iPad a more useful tool, than just being another warm place on which to take a nap! Iggy demonstrates that they need to redesign the screen surface to account for claw damage and pad-wear, and that he is a musical genius worthy of jamming with any of the jazz greats from Miles Davis to Dizzy Gillespie!

Then there is Calico Cat - the Printer Engineer (video 1) called in to solve the age old "stuck paper" problem, she demonstrates that when pressing buttons furiously, and turning the machine "off and on again" does not work, brute force and a thump of the paw will always do the job!

Next there is Marcus - the overly eager, yet inept archetypal Intern (video 2) - Keen as mustard to please, hoping that his "skills" will impress, but ultimately bodging even the most simplest task. His hapless "mentor" will have to ultimately redo everything his inept paws touched once he has gone back to college! Oh dear!

Moving on to Ginger - the nervous new Secretary/Office Assistant (video 3) - Her first "real" job, unsure of the systems and machines, she has been given a document that "Has to be in the post today, at all costs" and she has pressed the print button to produce not 1 copy but 100! She tried to rectify the fault without anyone noticing by pressing buttons, trying to hide the multitude of wasted copies that are spewing from the machine, but finally retreats to the corner, phased, beaten, embarrassed and surrounded by a veritable forest of paper!

Lastly, there are the Herd of 100 IKEA Cats- A London Store decided to "product test" by inviting a "herd" of motley Catty-Kin into their establishment out of opening hours, to see how they liked and used the ranges. They seemed surprised when "turf wars" broke out in soft furnishings between several Alpha Males, kittens got lost in the kitchen department and were later found asleep in the sinks, and one intrepid "Sherpa Tensing" Kin climbed the vertical display of Chairs (to Cat-Kin this is the equivalent of an indoor rock climbing wall!), got stuck between the two 20ft high displays, and had to be embarrassingly cut out! Genius!

As for me, I see myself in a more managerial/directorship role, but I understand to excel in those positions, you have to be a Fat Cat, and since I am not such a portly being, I will settle for being a taste-tester/product developer for Whiskas - mackerel flavoured cat-milk anyone?