Catty Puurrrrrrrrrfection

Apologies for my long absence. I have been laying low in fear of catching "swine flu" since there is no telling what effects this may have on an unwary Pussycat. I have heard tales of vomiting, loss of appetite and weight loss, and since I consider this to be a shameful waste of good Kitty-kibble and yummy Whiskas, I have been keeping on the Catty-down-low in an attempt to stay virus free!

Due to an unfortunate recent event, my owners have been only allowing me out during the day for short periods, since I have taken to visiting the home of my neighbouring Kin through their cat flap and "making myself at home". My owners had no idea that I was making such visits, until my male owner was returning from work one evening, happened to look up at the neighbours kitchen window, and did a swift "double take" as he saw me sitting at their window staring out at him! To my subsequent amusement he made feeble attempts to coax me outside, without the neighbours discovering my presence, and to his horror I left my Catty Paw Print clearly upon the said window before yawning and slowly making my way outside again. I don't know why they are making such a fuss? After all, I use the word "visiting" loosely, since I had no wish to commune with the Catty residents therein - I merely found the change of scene refreshing, and I am sure had the neighbours realised my presence, they would have welcomed me with festive greetings of "Mi Casa Es Su Casa" in any event!

Speaking of visitors, my owners had visitors from Mid December to the New Year. I happily tolerated two of them since they were family of my owners, and lavished me with varying degrees of "fuss", which I either allowed them to bestow upon me or sniffed at, depending upon my mood at the time. In any event, they regularly fell for my wiley "pitiful" demands for food when my owners were absent, and so had their uses during this period.

I eschewed the third since she is universally considered to be "strange", and I established from my keen sense of smell (by sniffing fastidiously all her luggage and garments), that she had one cat and two dogs of her own, and so was unlikely to "fall" for my tricks to elicit food and treats.

And so since New Year, we are back to being a family of three. Well, more accurately a family of three plus several unwanted "guests" - I appear to have picked up some fleas/flea allergy during my recent "visits". Oh dear! 

At this point I would like to send a Catty-shout-out to my friend Lisa who supplied my hapless male owner with some powerful "jollop" that seems to have sorted the problem to everyone's satisfaction!

I hope you are all having a Good New Year thus far - I understand this is the time of year that one should think about self-improvement and resolutions for the year ahead. My whiners owners have suggested some "choice" resolutions that they feel would "improve" me. 

• I should try not to eat large numbers of assorted insects, then come home and "hock" them up on the beige carpet so that my owners can see that I am getting plenty of roughage;
• I should not consider leaping on  my male owner's chest in the "wee small hours" as a welcome "alarm" for waking him up;
• I should try not to substitute my female owner's much-loved houseplants for grass, and chew them incessantly. And if I bite the cactus, I should remember that it will bite back;
• I should remember that when it rains and I refuse to go out the front door, it will be raining on all sides of the house and so it is not necessary to then check every other door (including cupboards/wardrobe doors) and window and then proceed to mew incessantly to go out!;
• When my female owner is typing at the computer, I should try and remember that her forearms are not a hammock/my cat bed and I should not walk on the keyboard when she is writing important areenasmasjisd;elkffdjfeljdf.ksd.
• I should try and remember that I have sharp claws, and that my female owner is tired of explaining to her acupuncturist that the scars on her arms are not a botched suicide attempt or cry for help;
• Guest's coats and scarves are never a good place for a nap.

I have only one resolution to suggest to my owners - they should remember that "The smallest feline is a masterpiece" (Leonardo da Vinci) and that masterpieces need no improvement!