Return of the Stray Cat

Mea Culpa Dear Readers

I have no excuses for my sixth month absence other than to say that if you think your lives are busy, just think what it must be like to have my nine lives!

Looking back at the last sixth months, I consider it to be time well-spent, though my female owner would disagree!

Quick recap:-

• Maintain lithe, handsome figure and continue to follow strict Eat-Sleep-Eat-Sleep Regime - check;

• Continue to endear myself to all the neighbours and visitors - check;

• Establish and maintain "Top Cat on the Block" status - check.

The year so far has included some notable events on which I formed wise "mewsings", but which were left unposted. A few morcels for your delictation:-

• Larry The Cat joined the Downing Street Coalition at Number 10 to solve "the rat problem" - an odd way to refer to the PM and his "Mini-Me", Nick Clegg, but according to a spokesman Larry has shown "a very strong predatory drive" and enjoyed playing with toy mice - translation: he is simple-minded;
• The Royal Wedding - ahhh the joining in matrimony of persons who are self appointed, often aloof and imperious, and who expect to be worshipped. Surely, traits that afford them the additional titles of "Honorary Cats", both? No accident the Female One is Kitty, Duchess of Cambridge!
• The Arab Spring - an revolutionary wave of civil resistance, whose demonstrators' slogan "The people want to bring down the regime" is inspiring. My female owner operates a dictatorial regime of "You will eat at this time and not at this time; You will not scratch the furniture; You will not hunt defenceless small mammals and bring them into the house; blah;blah;blah" - if she is not careful claws will be drawn, and I will go all "Day of Rage" on her %*ss this Friday;
• The Austerity Measures are biting - tell me about it! In a pitiful attempt to economise, my female owner thought about changing my branded food for generic rubbish! A well-timed "throw up-runny tummy" double whammy on my part, and she thought again! Cats know what "Food They Like". This is very important. I don't care what people think is good for me to eat. Royals don't eat just anything. I  eat what I want and will demand it with a relentless meow. I will turn up my nose at fare that doesn't meet my lofty standards. Now stock your larder with "own brand" baked beans and open another Gourmet Pouch for me s'il vous plaît!

Anyway, this on-again-off-again hot/humid weather is playing havoc with my fur, and I am developing RSI from all this unaccustomed typing!

'Til the next time Amigos!