New beginnings and farewells

Last week four of my fellow Kitten-kin graced themselves upon two new owners - Kittens Nelson and Domino to one new home, Kittens Tabby and Tortoiseshell to the other. Even to my jaded World-weary eye, they are darned cute!

Ahhh to be Kitten-cute again................ any misdemeanour can be quashed with the tilt of a tiny head, rolling over to expose an impossibly fluffy tummy, or just a simple purrrrr - breaks the Human heart that they cannot purr back!....but I digress......ahem!

My Dear Little-Kin, after 8 sets of owners I have gleaned the following seven pillars of Catty wisdom - in the words of our fellow cat-looky-likee-Guru, Yoda, "Follow it you will" - ;

• Your owners will not like it if you accompany them to the bathroom, and then sit and stare (female owners sitting on their tall white litter tray find this very disconcerting for some reason!)

• While it is possible to demand doors to be opened (by standing on back legs and hammering with front paws), remember that your owners will not like it if you then choose not to use the newly opened door. They will also get agitated if you order an "outside" door to be opened and then stand halfway in and out, just thinking (this annoyance is increased if it is very cold weather, rain, or snow)

• You will often find that one of your Humans will be engaged in some “busy” activity and the other will be idle (often the male). While I know that busy Humans are like Kitten-nip (baby Catnip), try not to pursue the busy one – even though you think you are "helping”. However if feeling peckish or in need of a cuddle, remember that when the busy one is cooking, sit just behind her left heel. Since you are tiny, and cannot be seen, you stand a better chance of being stepped upon. This will result in being picked up and comforted – "guilty" treats will always follow using this failsafe method.

• Humans like to do something called “paperwork” - to counteract your inevitable boredom, lie on the said paper, roll around scattering it with open claws, and if removed, push pens, pencils, mobile phones etc off the table, one at a time.

• Humans love being scared; jump on the back of the newspaper as they read or on the back of the sofa as they sit watching the TV (particularly if the room is dark).  

• When using your litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible - there is nothing like the feel of your used litter under Human feet in the morning.

• Finally, since you are going to a new home, and your new owners will feel worried that you may run away or get lost, take time to find a really good hiding place, where they cannot find you. For the truly gifted Kitten, the space behind the fridge/dishwasher/or even better the cooker are fantastic places. These have the additional benefit that you may meet new people when your new owners have to call someone they call a "Plumber" to remove the said appliance to get you out. Whatever happens, do not come out for at least four hours. When you do come out, your panicked new owners will cover you with love and kisses. 

Go forth little Kin, and train your new owners until they are putty in your tiny paws. Remember, "Cats were put into the world to disprove the dogma that all things were created to serve man." (Paul Gray).

It was with great sadness that last week I also had to say goodbye to my neighbour Zeus. True to his name (as King of the Gods), he oversaw our Catty-Universe and saw me as the Young Pretender to his Crown. We sparred a few times, and I pitied him for being a Ginger, but he was a valiant opponent and he fought off the Grim Rea-purrr for as long as he could. I am certain that many Cats (but very few people) I know will go to Heaven (where there are no doors, kibble fountains, scratching post Trees, and millions of fluffy Catnip pillows).

Farewell my copper coloured friend; No heaven will not ever Heaven be, unless my cats are there to welcome me (Anon).